Just a thought for today.

To bloggers, if u have ever experience the same situation…please feel free to comment and share it with me. The Tag board is always there for us to communicate.

Fear. Short but definitely a lot of definition. Example: Fear of God, Fear of Exams, Fear of pain and many many more. All right, lets get straight to the point. The “fear” I am talking about is Fear in Relationship. Typical aite.. But yeah..this can be taken as fact. There are people who ever, currently or previously experience it.

Let me share a little.

Before I start, I wish I could strangle the person who made me this way. It is just so unfair. I never felt this way before and it had to be him who destroyed my inner self.
All right…I am sure all avid bloggers of mine might roughly know what happen to me. Although not much but little.

I tend to feel more afraid lately. And it has been happening often. Sometime, I don’t even know what cause me to be frightened. At times, I find that every action that my partner did will make me question myself eq: Is he Sincere? Is he not lying to me? Does he mean his words? Did he speak the truth? Is he cheating on my money? All sort of questions…and almost all the time I tend to be cautious of what action I had, need or will take. Well, that is something advantage, whereby I think first before making a nasty approach which eventually will make me regret. But the point now is, the fear. And I find myself unfair if I have all this insecurities whereas my partner on the other side was really truthful and sincere in the relationship. Isn’t it cruel of me to think of him otherwise?

But then again, I just can’t help to feel these insecurities inside me. Probably, the answers to my question are, I just need more time to have faith in everything. I need to pull myself together, get myself composed and eventually force it into my brain that not all guys are the same. But what if at last he turns out to be a clone of my history? There, u see this questions come again WHAT IF? Sighz.. I really need help.

DEscribing TOday.

Super Sungguh Boring. Bleargh!

SpeNt tHe Whole Day At hoMe. So GooD of Me Huh! Not My SchedUle to OT and Also No Plans. Can U ImAginE it? SAturDAy At Home..I Must Be CwaZeeee...

Woke Up at 10am by Adorable Niece Iffah..reminding me that Im CooKing Today. YeAH, AfTer So Long I DinDt Cook, aNd So..AyAM BuRma Was What We Had For LunCh TOday. Followed By Coaching My Niece on HeR HomeWork..Haha K1 homework, How easy can That be..I Mean For Me lah Of COurSE...Its Easy As ClosinG mY Eyes WHiLe DOing It. Subsequently, DAncing Together With The Little Ones, Izzah to the Rhythm of Malay TRaditional Songs " Orkid". It Was Superb Fun...

Then Had Some PraCtice With The "HeAD". a Doll's Head..pracTIce on Some HairStyles..

And yeAh that Was IT. Start TO LAze Around While Waiting For Didi's call. And Yeah Got A CAll From him. Talked to him For A While. Without Warning, we had to hang up the caLl..as his OfficeR Is ApproaChing..and THen..Straight After that..i Felt AslEEp. Waking up Few hours Later to The Crave of Pizza Hut.. Reach the cellphone and Ordered Super SupreMe.Fast Actions huh...Yeah had it After Maghrib..and i Ate onlY tWO. What a WAste yah!!! But What TO do...

And So Here I Am...Blogging..Hmm Didi had BeeN PreTTy Busy Due To the Case He is Handling. Dint MaNage to Talk to Him fOr QuiTe LonG NowADays..But Im Proud Of Him, DeSPite his Hectic WorK and LAck Of Sleep,He Still DO Look For Me. I AppreCiate That and I Love THat!

Not Like The HisTorY wHo Claims Of TIRedNess AlmosT EvERy Day...But Had No TIme to Look Me up..Okay I Shall Stopp GruMbling AbouT This...FurTherMoRE y Should I Yah?

bIlER La Ini CiTer mau Habis. InGat TaknaK beRbual PasAL dier..tapi NtAhlah...Nak Kata Dier SeDar SiLap Dier..Mcm Tak aJer. SuSah DaTang betul nih anak.Tapi..Aku nak PiKir PaSal DiER Lagik Apa hal Kan..Dah Takder Kaitan Lagik..Dari aku PiKir PaSal Dier..Lebih Mulia aku IngaTkan "Didi"

Hehe...Ada jugak BiLang didi TenTang PerKara nih. Dier Dgr aJer..Tapi Ntah Mcm Aku Leh Dpt Baca DaRi Air Muker Dier Yang..DiER KuRang SeNang Dgn BerITa Yang AKu SamPaikan..Muler-Muler..tuh..mcm Indirect..then dier Ckp Sesuatu baru Lah aku Paham Maksud Dier..

yang NyAta..Aku Rasa Happy lah AkhiR akhiR nih..Tapi DiSamping Tuh...KetaKutan Dalam Diri..tiDak aku NafiKan..AKu CUmer Takut Sejarah BeruLang KemBali Dan aku tak mahu daN TaK Mampu Nak LaluI Saat-Saat Tuh Lagik. MenYiksakan. Tak Blei CarrY Sakit Dier Seh.,
Aku Cumer DapAt DoaKan yang Apa yang Keluar Dari Mulut Dier ADalah Benar...Harapan Dan impian YangKami Ciptakan..BukaNnyer DusTa. Itu jer yang AKu MaMpu LakuKan.

{----ABout The Ex-----}

I guess this would be my last Entry about the X. Its clearly states that everything was just LIE. NATO - No Action Talk Only.

Byk dier Nyer Sedih.In Tears..Nak Buktikan Kejujurannyer. Nak Bayar balik Budi Yang dah AKu taburkan. Hmmph! Full of SHIT! Ku masih ingat lagik malam tuh, suara tersedu-sedan. Mintak Maaf. AKu sebagai Manusia juga tak lari dari Kesilapan. Perkara yang mulia yang boleh aku lakukan ialah untuk mengampunkan Kesalahan Orang Lain. Tapi ini ker balasannyer.

Aku mintak jumper pon sbb nak kasi barang dier balik. Tetapi..haiz i guess its clearly now.

HE IS JUST NOT INTERESTED IN HIS THINGS. I told him that i can meet him either 18 or 19..and told him to call me on the 17 and c how he can fit into my schedule but..Buih lah..I expected already..And of coz i was not hoping for it.

Haiz...i guess this is it. Its no Point for me being symphatize towards him. Biarlah Allah Sajalah yang Membalasnyer...

{ -----Mee Soto-----}

JuSt goT back FroM An IntErview as an Asst SerVice Support EnginEer. Its at Kallang Pudding..but in Time to come Probably Aroung MarcH they would be ShifTing in SeRangoon North. Exact Place..i Ain't Sure. Its A PerManenT Job, so I ReALly Hope I Made an ImPression TowarDs Them Jsut now..ANd Really hope To HeAr From TheM Soon.

About the CCPE job..im still Thinking. Well..I thought of giving it Pass due to certain circumstances that i couldnt able to adapt to their training schedule. In Fact, i havent Sign aNything WiTh them..but then..i have to go For More Trainings which Somehow affected my Current job. Whatever it is, i still Need to Respect my Current Job on resigining.

I actually JusT CamE bacK from InteRview. Had my Late LunCh. Hehe..yeah Mum Cooked Mee Soto. Yummy Yummy. Been a long time FavouRites. im On NigHt ShiFt ToNite..Argh..I HaTe NigHT DuTy. But Ahh..I lOve it WHeN I get My SalArY..Haha..

Oklah..need to Prepared Mentally and Physically for Night Shift. Getting Some Rest Now..

C YA!

Hmmmmm...

Have you ever felt knowing someone recently..having conversation with him..and u feel the chemistry between both parties was way too strong? And even till u meet up...u felt as if you knew each other for years..and u can communicate about everything , be yourself and felt comfortable and ended up talking about relationship thingy?

Well..i knew im starting to feel something...but am just too afraid of the risk that i will be taking. I knew i have to play my part in trusting another party..but then again im just afraid of getting hurt again. Im recovering from a break up and so i feared of certain things.

Will he accept me for who i am? Will he appreciates me? Will he respect my decision?

The main question is, Will he turned me down if i cant meet his expectations...when im starting to love him? Will HE?

Im PiSSed!!!!!

HAtred! Yeah thats what im FeeLing and I WanT to FeeL RiTe at This MoMent! I JuSt HaTe MySeLf ..and Im So FucKing PiSseD WiTh MysElf For nOT bEinG Able to Do CeRtain Things.

Just Change my blog skin..and by the look of it, thats what im feeling rite now. Argh! Im reallly so DEPRESSED by what happens. Hati Binatang! Is that the way i shall describe his feeling. After what i have done for him for the past few months, all im hoping for was he to appreciate what ive done. Not Even a Thank you...ForGet About aSking Forgiveness!

U know..i really felt bad for venting my anger on him in this manner. But He doesnt even care about me..so y the Hell do i need to care about him? THis is only the way for me to let my feelings out. All i need was just a meetup, handing over all his things and yah..probably let go of all the feelings..and such. But he doesnt Even Bother. The reason of not wanting To Talk or Even Meet me..is He is emBarassed. EmbaraSsed for the Reason he Owe e Lot of StuFF! BullShit..If u'r EmbaRassed, u Wont even think Of doing This to Me. U would be BrAve and have the COurAge and a feeling Of RegRet, and tReat me niceLy. But hell All he Think is HimSelf. A SelFish FellA! he Broke My hEaRT..He SnaTched It Away...EveryThing Was a Mistake...and I Admit partly it was my Mistake to..for Not Being Extra Careful and for being Blind all this While...Im LEft With Nothing..SimPly Nothing.

Oh AllAH! Its CleArly Seen that This PrAyer of Mine is not Good. But Pls, i beg you..MakE me FOrGet Him. He is Not WOrth..and I DesERve SomOene MuCh Much beTta Than Him. Pls Pls Pls... DOnt DEstined Our PAth to CroSS AGain. Im TotALly huRT ...I accEpt All What Have HappeN..but I DOnt WIsh my Path to Cross With Him Ever AgaIn. I LeaVe it Up to You on How U Handle him on What he Had Done to Me. I know Ive Sinned a Lot..I Knew There Is CerTain Things That i Should Not Have Done but Then Again. What Past is Past and my Life Still needs To Go On..and I Believe There Is SomeOne Much Betta Is WAiTing for me aNd he DesERVe My Sacrifices.

Training

Quote of the Day: Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

Fuh!! PeNat GiLer SeH NiARI. WalauPun Its LiKe 9 - 6 Sessions..TetApi TeTap MeMenaTkan SEhh!! ReAch There liKe 15Mins EarLy. Hmm..SePatutNya...Kena TanDaTangan..Tapi DisuRuh TraiNing Dulu. Orang - hmMm...Ramah TerMasuKlaH MgR. Ada GamEs SemuA..Tapi Apa PunYa Nasib...AkU seLalu KeNa Ngan GM ...HEhe..SEram Dolz..!!

OkLah...TakLeh BLg In DetAils..Sgt. LagiPun FeNatzzzzzzzzz!! Bsk AnoTher LoNg DaY Again.
DaN Bsk JuGak HaRi PeNenTuan.

SaBar MeNantI.

Oh Yah...RamaI MeMberz Baru..Besh..

Hmmmm...

Coincidentally, bumped into a long long friend which i have not met for years. Ever since we graduated till just now hehe.. Its none other than Mr Binjjr~ Ahakz.

Was so glad plus happy to meet him. Dint noticed him at ferst but he was the one who like u know "tegur me' but he's kinda far from me..The way he approach is not like " Oi syida!"Haha..i think he scared he mite get the wrong person. Then, we had a little chat and stuffs...Kencang woh....member semua district leh masukk..Aku setakat A dan B...Tapi soon takder terus agaknyer hehe.

He looks..kurus...probably due to NS. But whats up with the botakness.. Is it a must to get bald everytime in NS . Frankly, he looks much better in Sec and Poly times i guess. Skg dah mcm org Buddha lah..He dah lah putih. Haha...Fal, tak tahu lah kalau kau baca blog aku nih..tapi aku rasa taklah...sbb kau pun dah give up ngan blog aku..hehe ..tapi anytime,..ur always welcome to blog aku ar beb.

Oklah...gonna turin in soon. Will be a new long say tommorow. Hope everything goes fine.

15.

My First New Year Resolution.

Starting Tommorow...

I NEED TO SHED OFF SOMEA LOT OF FATS IN ME.

And so tonight im gonna eat my hopefully last Fast Food....


You're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time.
You're not worth the pain, you're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.

Kinda lazy to blog...but this is our second model...

Pls keep the comments and feedback in

Model 1

Model 2

Happy New Year .....

ReFleCtinG on The YeAr " 2 oh oh 6"

• Life

It made me realise that no matter how hard we try, we wouldn't be able run away from problems. Life is full of ups n down. Upsndownoflife.blogspot.com. If u were to read it from the start...u should be able to see the momentum of my life. At times, i can be high up in the sky, smiling and at times u can see me fall flat on the floor, crying. But i came to realise that no matter what happens, life still have and needs to go on no matter what the situation is. And i really hope that whatever happen, happened for a reason. And i really hope all the past incidents will make me even stronger and strong willed to lead a life full of obstacles.

• Love

It was an extreme torture for me. 2005 was bad...but yet 2006 was worst. All my Hopes and Dreams were shattered. It was a really big mistake.I wish it was just a nightmare but it is not as easy as saying. It leaves a scar, a wound permanently in my heart. I pour out my heart and soul to him, and i thot he could at least appreciate it. But i was wrong. Absolutely wrong. i wish i could rewind the time but..what past is past. Love is not blind but it does make people like me blind. blind of all the possibilities that it just doesnt work out anymore. History, I shall learn from it.

• Friends

Yes, I dont deny it. Friend come and go. But i too dont deny, there are friends who stays and never go despite whatever happens. Firsly, Thanks to Hana, for the support when im down. Thanks to Aqmal, uve always been there when i need your help. Thanks for picking me up, sending me here and there. I shall never forget what you guys did. And the rest, thanks for being a friend of mine in times of happiness and sadness. And i really hope you guys will be my friend always..and i mean true friends.

Resolutions for "2 oh oh 7".i shall discuss it the next entry. i got to go now. Take Care..

Here Are the Make up Artist....

Fyza & Her Model.





Me & My Model